It's been a long time since I last wrote an entry. Reason? Procrastination. Hahaha... Well, the exams are finally over and holidays are here! Holidays = Gaming! Yeah... I'm sooo deprived of games.
Watched a television programme last night - Tab TV. Topic of the day: Teenage Sex and SPG (sarong party girls). They interviewed a SPG girl, Izzy, a boy who had sex with a prostitute (a malay guy) and guests were The Flying Dutchman, an Indian counsellor and Daphne Khoo, Singapore Idol Finalist.
Izzy, the SPG had countless sex with caucasians. And she lost her chasity at the tender age of 16. When the host of the programme, Evelyn asked her why 16? She replied nonchantly, "Because that's the legal age." OH MY! She sure does plan it well. I've got nothing much to add anymore...
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.
I really have to blog this entry. This is really an eye opening experience buffet I ever had. Yesterday was my brother's 24th birthday. As usual, the whole family went out for buffet to celebrate his day. We went to Furama Hotel for the buffet. When we reached our destination, my mom approached a guy in a suit, presumably the manager. When my mom walked up to him for a table for four, he didn't even bother to stand up smartly, but continued leaning on the ice-cream palour. He was rude! Didn't even look into my mom's eyes and answer her question. He said, " I only have this table on my left here." What the FUCK! Is this what a hotel service is like? He was staring behind my mom and not looking at her when he "replied" her. After that incident, we realised that there's a wedding dinner to be held at the same buffet outlet. We're totally fine with it. BUT! Woah! Read on!
Guests of the wedding couple strolled in. You must be thinking that since it's held in a hotel, they're probably well-dressed. WRONG! They showed up in shorts, bermudas and slippers! Is this the attire to don for a wedding dinner? It was a fashion disaster for me no doubt. There's more to come. Read on!
Either the hotel didn't make necessary arrangements for a smooth pathway for the wedding guests and customers like us, or there were too many wedding guests, because the whole place ended up messy and chaotic. It was as if I were in the market, with tons of people rushing to get their hands on the plates and pile them MOUNTAIN high with food. The table next to us, they have their own mini-buffet! Well, you wouldn't expect much from them when you see their from the lower class of the society. AH BENGS! Oh my GOD!! Half-buttoned shirts, showing off their tatoos, laughing loudly, with hokkien expletitives shooting across the whole restaurant. I managed to catch a glimpse of the bride and bridegroom. The bride's pretty. And she looks so lost when I saw her waiting for her husband to stand next to her to start the drinking ceremony. The bridegroom was with his AH BENG friends, exchanging words such as "ken ni na" loudly! Oh my! My brother and I choked on our drink and food respectively when we heard that. What was going through in the minds of the bride's parents? I think I need not explain further.
There was many time I nearly stepped onto the bride's dress. Hey! Her gown was filled with those frillys! Not my fault if i stepped on them and she falls down flat! The restaurant was not spacious! I didn't enjoy my dinner at all. In fact, I didn't eat much. Firstly, the thought of having to push people away so I can get my food disgusts me. I'm not going to lower myself to such disgrace. Secondly, the rate of food being devoured is going exponentially compared to the rate of being replaced.
F(food being devoured) is Big Theta of G(food being replaced)
Anyone studying alogorithm should be able to understand this concept of Big Theta very well.
Throughout the whole meal, I couldn't help but stare in awe of the table next to us... Hokkien AH BENGS having their own mini buffet at their very own table, talking and laughing out loudly... Staring in awe because I applaude them for being so brave to disgrace themselves. And also having to have food displayed in front of them. Now I know how it feels to be in a triad gang wedding of Hong Kong. Not everyone has the experience of it in Singapore!
I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And i just dont know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All i want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how i'll make the world a better place
All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All i need is a small weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a superhero
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Yeah
If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
into pink poodles that bark,
But don't bite
All i need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All i need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a superhero
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Yeah
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save Me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Brian:
Did I hear you right?
Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you
Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?
Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here
Brian:
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me
Brian & Delta:
Bruise and battered by your words
Days are shattered, how it hurts
Brian:
Oh, haven't I always loved you?
Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here
Brian & Delta:
Bruise and battered by your words
Days are shattered, now it hurts
Brian:
Haven't I always loved you?
Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
Brian:
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
Delta:
And when I hold you
You're almost here
Brian:
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
Brian & Delta:
And now I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Brian:
Cause I know I'm almost here
Brian & Delta:
Only almost here
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever ee-ver ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever ee-ver ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever ee-ver ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever ee-ver ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
lonely lonely loney lonely lonely lonely
e-ever felt so lonely
have you ever felt so lonely?
lonely lonely loney lonely lonely lonely
e-ever felt ever felt ever felt so lonely
remember the time
when you here inside my dream
i wish you'll be mine
you're understanding what i mean
discover and see
that you're the only one for me
together we'll be free
that so it's ment to be
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely?
have you ever felt so lonely?
Lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever ee-ver ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever ee-ver ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever ee-ver ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
ever felt so lonely
remember the time
when you here inside my dream
i wish you'll be mine
you're understanding what i mean
discover and see
that you're the only one for me
together we'll be free
that so it's ment to be
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely you're the one and only did you ever by. why did you say goodbye
have you ever felt so lonely?
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Ever e-ever ever e-ever felt so ever e-ever ever felt so lonely
Dear called just now. chatted for like at most 3 mins? Sigh... I also don't know what to talk to him about. He apologised for not keeping his promise. I'm not mad because he didn't keep his promise. hmmm... Maybe I was mad. But that was like 2 days ago! I mad because of myself. I can't believe I'm so selfish. Only concerning about me being neglected. Wake up girl! He's undergoing even more emotional and physical trauma than you being neglected! I'm trying not to feel sorry and pitiful for myself. Trying to be more understanding about his situation. But it seems such an impossible task. GOD! When did I become such a selfish brat??? I don't know how to tell him about it... I'm evil. I'm mean. I'm selfish. I only care about myself. Why do I deserve to be loved??? He deserves someone better than me. Someone who is selfless, unlike me. Someone who is understanding, unlike me... I feel so ashamed of myself... feel so ashamed of being his girlfriend... he definitely deserves someone better than me...
This is the 3rd time I'm blogging for today. Just finished doing Signals and Systems tutorial. Not much progress today also. Coz no mood to study. haiz... Sian... Also don't know what to blog. Signing off...
Blogging again. Just had lunch. Daddy bought lunch. If not, I don't even think I'll eat. Daddy was suprised that I'm at home. Was even more suprised to find me home so early yesterday. I'm waiting for his message, waiting for his call. Waiting, waiting and waiting...
It's Sunday. I'm at home. Suprised? Messaged him several times. Yet not even a single reply. Messaged him last night before I slept. No reply when I woke up several times to check on the phone. I've totally no idea what's going on. Is he busy? Asleep? Ignoring me? Can't study. Feeling restless and listless. Feel nauseous. Everything's just not right. Can't point out the problem. What am I gonna do now? Don't know... Hope he replies me asap. Coz I'm damn worried for him. If he's ignoring me, let me know that he's unhappy about me and not keep worrying me. Everything's messed up. Screwed up. Tired. Headache still there. No appetite.
I just came home. Many things have happened recently. Haven't had anything since breakfast. No appetite. Many things swirling in my brain. Rarely can I be found at home on a saturday night. Didn't go to Kailing's party on friday night(last night). Came back home from Clementi. Now blogging. But don't know what to start blogging about. Mind's in a mess. Can't filter. Disappointed, lethargic and neglected. But what can be done? Can't do anything about it too. Tell him also no use. Only add on to his burden. He has too much on his mind lately. My problems are just minor stuffs compared to his. Have to be tolerant and understanding. I'll just have to bear it with me as long as I can. Thought I could have dinner with him as what he promised me yesterday. But... Just that I hate it when I get empty promises. Well, it's no big deal. Really. Had that many times already. All alone at home ain't that bad at all. Serious. I'll go look see if there's any food at home. If there's none, then fast for another day won't die, since I managed to fast through yesterday breakfast and lunch. Save money too. But now I've to think of excuse of coming home so early coz Daddy will surely ask me why am I home so early. Signing off...
Finally! Our 1st year anniversary! I've waited for this day for a long time. I'm estatic. Loss for words to describe how I'm feeling now. All I know is that I'm feeling a sense of achievement. He has been the one who is patient with me. Tolerating my mood swings, bad-temperness, wackings, in addition, bittings from me. But he has his fair share of bullying too. I've truly enjoy the moments spent with him. Truly. Dear, I love you.
Listening to Hilary Duff, Fly and Come Clean. Feeling moody now. Blasting the speakers aways. Dear just told me over messenger that he won't be able to spend much time with me. I guess I've been gearing myself for this confirmation for some time. I guess this is what they mean by the loneliness when your boyfriend is in the army. It's the holidays for me now. Took up General Elective, Manage Your Career Development, so as to clear my subjects as fast as possible, and part of the reason is that so I won't feel alone. Yeah I know. I still have friends right? But they have their own lives to lead. Doesn't mean that I'm free, they're free.
I guess no one can understand how I feel unless they've been through it before. It's not that I'm so totally dependent on my boyfriend. It's just that, I only get to see him one day, out of 7 days. To be exact, less than a day if you count the hours. On Saturdays, we usually meet around evening time, around 4 pm, till at night 12am. Then we'll meet on Sundays, around 1-2pm till 4pm. How is that enough? Do the maths and compare it to the ratio of the total number of hours in a week. Is that few hours spent together enough to share about each other's events and incidents that all occured during the whole week? It's not even enough to communicate with each other. Sometimes, I can't even remember what I wanna tell him during my weekdays.
Yes, he does call everynight. But I feel talking over the phone can't bring out the meanings and exact emotions which I wanna express to him. Over the phone, I can only hear his voice, and the frequent 'Chorus' of ccb, knn, kns lyrics spewed out generously from his bunkmates. Call me demanding, a shrew, whatever. But how am I gonna converse with him with so much interferences?
I'm disappointed. In what? Can't point my finger at it. But all I know is that, I'm so used to the disappointment that it doesn't hurt anymore. Who am I kidding myself? Why am I still waiting at home for his call on his night out to ask me out? I confess that I can't wait for school term to reopen. Cause that is when I'll be busy again, I will be burying my head in the books, loneliness will not creep into my life. I'm going to look for a vacation job after the General Elective. I'm gonna work my ass out. It doesn't matter anyway. Afterall, after work, I still go home. It's not like I've appointments to keep to. Why don't I earn more money?
I feel that I'm evolving into another person. I want a fast-paced life. I don't want life to slow down. I don't want to idle, to wait and lie to myself to stuffs that will never happen. I wanna fly...
Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
And we're you're down and feel alone,
And want to run away,
Trust yourself and don't give up,
You know you better than anyone else,
Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
Any moment, everything can change.
"Collide"
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
today is a total screw-up, fuck-up, sucky day. I screw up my 1st paper, maths. In a foul mood now. shit! the paper was so damn screw up! so difficult! out of 4 questions, i could only managed to do a countable handful of one palm of question PARTS! fuck man! i'm dead. bloody dead without a mangle of my corpse. maths! my favourite subject! i screw it up! how demoralising can that be?? Cordy told me while the invigilators were collecting the scripts, one of the lecturer spoke to her. "such a difficult paper. how do u find it?" Cordy just gave him her mega-watt winning smile coz she could find words to say for 2 reasons. 1: she doesn't know how to reply, YES IT'S TOTALLY SCREWED! NO! IT'S PATHETICALLY EASY!. 2: simple. the lecturer was cute. Now that's Cordy!
No appetite to have my lunch. Pissed off with my bf. Pissed off with the maths paper. Pissed off with myself for not doing well. Fucking pissed off. Now PISSED OFF AFTER READING!
It sure has been a long time since I last wrote an entry. Hahaha... I've been bitten by a bug, named Laziness. =.='''
Just recovered from fever which lasted for 3 days. Freaks me out man! Always sick before exams. The same thing happened last semester too. I guess, if I don't fall sick before the exams, means I'm gonna fail right? Hahahaha... SUPERSTITIONS! Wakieee girl! Did the fever burn your brains as well?
Terrible feeling. 39.5 degrees celsius. My whole body was burning hot. I bet if somebody cracked an egg on top of me, the egg might be cooked in half an hour?? Hahahaha... I'd to wake up in the middle of the night, ie 12:00 am SHARP to get a basin of water and sponge myself. Didn't wanna wake mommy up. She'd a busy day at work. She's tired you know? My whole body was burning way way way too hot to allow me to sleep. When the wet towel came in contact to my body, BOY! Ever experienced the feeling of being splattered by hot oil before? The only difference is that I'm not talking about a DROP of oil hello!!!
Wasted 3 days of precious time for this stupid fever. Now I've to rush through my revision for my exams. I really need all the DIVINE POWER I can request and attain... Allah, God, Lord Buddha, Confucious... HELP ME!!!!
YEAH!!! Today Dear gonna POP from Sispec. hehehehe... goody! Then he'll have 4 days free!! Woot! He went for 32km march yesterday evening. 5pm left the bunk. Then march throughout the night. Shiong ar... 32km! I still remember I went for the 21km SAF half marathon run. almost killed me. Can u imagine 32km MARCH! poor thing... Could sense that he was very tempted to give up the march from the messages he secretly sent me. He was really really tired. at 20km, he said dunno he can carry on marching anot. Dear's a tough guy. Must be really tired that's why he said that. I couldn't do anything, but just try to stay up as late as i can to reply to his messages. Until I cannot tahan, I slept at 12++ something. But he messaged me saying, he'll march finish for me. so sweet! *^^*v
He returned to camp this morning at 7.15am i think. Then gonna receive ranking after that, after that area cleaning, weapon cleaning, then BOOK OUT!!! I can't wait to see him later. Thinking of wat I should cook for him. He's tired out. After marching for such a long distance. Time to pamper him with my culinary skills! ahahhahaah... *evil laugh*
Gonna meet him later in the evening! From now till then, I shall decide if I shall cook for him! ahhahahaha... Coz I've never cooked for a guy before. See if Dear is a good today lor! =P
Wow! Time sure pass quick! Lunar New Year is here once again. Dunno what to update yet. Correction. I dunno where to start updating. Will update tonight. hehehehe... Procrastinating... =P